The power of the mind

When you know how great the power of the mind can be, manifestation ceases to be a “miracle” and becomes something almost commonplace.

Yet of course there can never be anything commonplace about the miracle of manifestation – because it involves the Universal Power, the Cosmic Consciousness, the Universal Intelligence… Whatever you could call it.

One of questions that people frequently ask when they start manifesting reality is “How on earth can our minds connect with the cosmic consciousness?”

The answer to this is rather simpler than you might imagine – we are in fact all part of creation, we are all connected through our subconscious intelligence, and we are all part of the greater whole.

What this means in practice, therefore, is that connection is a natural state of being, and disconnection is an abnormal state of being.

When you take that principle into account, it becomes all too obvious that manifestation is actually a natural condition, and a state of poverty, lack, and deprivation, are the consequences of a human existence in which we have become disconnected from our spiritual origin.

Now, having said this, is not to imply that there’s any question of responsibility or blame applying to people whose status in life is not as desirable as it might be.

The truth of the matter is that moral responsibility in the human condition is all about removing oneself from lack into prosperity – which can only happen when one’s consciousness is sufficiently evolved to be able to see the possibility of doing so.

And what follows from this is that when one’s consciousness is elevated, or sufficiently “developed”, then manifestation is not just a matter of achieving material wealth and abundance, but achieving spiritual satisfaction, prosperity, and manifesting happiness in all  fields… And indeed, in the more spiritual and intangible aspects of human existence such as the thought patterns and conscious behaviour patterns which we exemplify in everyday life, control is not only possible, but also highly desirable.

You see, the truth of the matter is that for the human being, evolution towards higher spiritual plane is actually a matter of normal development rather than something abnormal. You could regard our current social status (undeveloped and primitive) as a distraction from the task of spiritual evolution we’ve all been given as part of our birthright.

So manifestation, and we have chosen to call the Law of Attraction, become something that is normal rather than unconventional, something that is actually to be expected as part of the human existence on this planet rather than something to be regarded as spiritual.

And for those who have already manifested reality to any degree, the process may never lose its awe-inspiring nature, but it certainly becomes more commonplace and natural, and leads to understanding,  perhaps, that essentially it’s our right – and indeed possibly our duty – as human beings to achieve whatever evolution we can while we are living on the material plane.

The Law of Attraction

Law of Attraction

It hardly needs to be said, therefore, that this control of mind, and connection with the spiritual aspect of our existence, can be applied to almost any area of our existence – including sexual relationships, the manifestation of abundance and prosperity, the changing of unhelpful and negative patterns such as premature ejaculation and delayed ejaculation to more functional ones (so that sex becomes a joy rather than a burden), and indeed almost any other possibility that you can imagine.

So interestingly enough, to be able to manifest success in this way, all that is needed is an awareness of your own power. It’s interesting that few people actually connect with their own power sufficiently deeply to be able to manifest anything – yet that’s the key to successful manifestation, and the key indeed to overcoming problems like delayed ejaculation.

There are plenty of websites available which you can teach you everything you need to know about manifestation and the Law of Attraction, and if you’re interested in the subject it’s well worth finding out – not just because you can improve your material condition on the planet right now, but because you can also evolve to a much higher level of consciousness – and after all, why wouldn’t you wish to do that?!

Use the power of visualization

You can use the power of visualization to overcome any sexual problems such as delayed ejaculation or premature ejaculation – perhaps even erectile dysfunction.

Now I know this may seem like a radical idea, but the fact of the matter is that many of the sexual dysfunctions originate in the mind – not the body, or at least, it might be more accurate to say that perhaps they originate in a combination of psychosomatic and psychological issues.

Which means of course, that while you should always get medical advice for any issue that you may be facing, it’s also a good idea to investigate the possibility of using psychological techniques such as visualization and manifestation.

If you’re thinking manifestation is a technique that is just used to create abundance and prosperity or perhaps financial wealth, then think again! The same principles can be used for anything that you wish to manifest in the world, whether internal to your own mind or external in the physical world around you.

In terms of your own mind, what we’re talking about here is a psychological shift which originates in your visualization of the new outcome – in this case, overcoming your sexual dysfunctions and functioning normally in bed with a timely ejaculation.

You see, many of the problems that cause psychosexual problems originate in emotional issues such as anger, resentment, guilt, shame and fear – and the cure for these lies not only in psychodynamic psychotherapy, but also in simply “reprogramming” your brain with a different reality.

What this appears to mean in practice is that you can actually use techniques of visualization and manifestation to manifest a different state of sexual confidence, just as you might use them to manifest a relationship, or to improve a relationship in which you’re currently experiencing disharmony.

The essence of all manifestation is that you start with a clear intention – in other words you must have a clear objective, a defined outcome, something that’s really important to you, which generates a lot of emotional energy and satisfaction for you.

And furthermore that must be something you can sustain energetically over a period of time – it’s no use having a worthwhile objective now, but losing your motivation in a few weeks, because you’re distracted by what you’re doing on a day-to-day basis..

So once you’ve found something that has the ability to sustain your energy and desire over a longish period of time then you need to consider the degree to which you actually want to achieve that outcome – are you passionate about it, do you really have a strong desire and fervent expectation that it will happen?

For these are the fuels of emotional manifestation – visualization, the emotional energy of desire, the certainty of belief, the absolute necessity of expectancy – and of course the absolute requirement that you take action in some form or another.

So in what form will you be taking action? Well here, you’re visualizing whatever it represents to you to have a perfect sexual performance, full of confidence and vitality, imagining it in detail, in all the detail that you need to create in your mind a visualization which enables you to believe that you are looking at a picture of your future self in a different reality.

Video – hypnosis and visualization

This might seem like a strange idea, dealing with sexual issues using mental techniques like visualization, but in actual fact it’s no different than self hypnosis, which you might be more willing to accept the possibility for change in your own future.

Indeed, in that respect, it’s absolutely possible to use self hypnosis tapes – of which there are an infinite supply on the Internet, or at least so it would seem – you can download them from many different websites, and they are, or can be, highly effective.

Most authentic websites that are operating with integrity will offer you free samples of each recording so that you can test them before you download them. However, if you’re not of the frame of mind where can engender the discipline to visualize your desired outcome of sexual competency twice a day, then get hold of a self hypnosis tape and use that instead.

If you are using visualization, you need to sit down in a chair, or lie down in bed (which can make you go to sleep), and then you need to physically relax every part of your body until you have transitioned into what’s known as the alpha state.

The alpha wave state is this particular state of relaxation where your brain operates at a specific cycle of electrical activity – and it’s the electrical activity of your brain determines the state of mind you enter, a slightly altered state of consciousness where you’re in connection with your intuition and the deeper parts of your creative subconscious mind.

In this state it’s possible to visualize images very powerfully, and it’s also proven that the imagery will convince the subconscious mind that you are living that reality here and now – the subconscious mind can’t tell the difference between imagination and reality. By using this technique, you going to find your expectations of yourself change, and indeed the physical reality you are living in bed will change too!

Now, having said all that, this is an act of faith, and it is an unusual idea – but once again, the overall principle of manifestation is that no matter what it is you’re trying to manifest, be it a mental change or physical change, you can actually do that easily enough, simply by picturing a vivid image of what it is you want to achieve in your mind.

I suspect that for many men, sustaining belief may be quite difficult because in the early stages of transition from where you are now to where you want to be, you will still experience sexual “failure” – and this could impact massively on your belief about your ability to control your sexual outlet.

However, if you keep going, you can find that at some point you begin to notice that your sexual performance gradually starts to improve, moving from a place where you’re uncertain, and your ejaculation may be taking place much too fast or much too slowly, to a place where you are actually beginning to sense that you have much more control of how quickly you orgasm and ejaculate.

It may also be useful to use self hypnosis with visualization to change your mental attitude to sex and perhaps also to the whole orientation and dynamic of the relationship between you and your partner, so that you come to see it as one of equality –  rather than viewing it as you “having” to serve a woman in terms of pleasuring her.

No matter how strange you find these ideas, I highly recommend you should try them because it’s only by the experience of the power of your own mind that you will be able to step into a place of strength which will allow you to satisfy a woman and yet at the same time take your own pleasure from the act of lovemaking.

Delayed ejaculation isn’t a simple problem to cure, but by using an two fold approach which adopts both physical and mental processes, you’re much more likely to achieve success and be functioning normally in bed within a few months.

Delayed ejaculation and prostate stimulation

Delayed orgasm and slow ejaculation is often due to low sexual arousal, even when the man has a hard erection. One of the cures for this of course is to raise his level of sexual arousal by using different types of stimulation.

One of this slightly more controversial or unusual stimulation techniques that may be used for this purpose is prostate stimulation. It’s regrettable that a lot of men think that any kind of anal stimulation is an indication of latent homosexuality.

The reality, of course, is that any trigger which can increase man’s level of sexual arousal is potentially an excellent way of encouraging him to ejaculate normally during intercourse. If we accept the thesis, as indeed plenty of evidence suggests we must, that delayed ejaculation (click here for more information) is the result of low sexual arousal, even in the presence of an erection, then clearly anything that a man can do to increase his subjective level of sexual arousal is going to help him ejaculate.

Men have reported to me that they have found nipple stimulation, testicle stimulation, anal stimulation, stimulation of the perineum, and in particular stimulation of the prostate gland, Highly effective in increasing their level of arousal to point at which normal intercourse could trigger ejaculation.

One of the benefits of a program of establishing trigger points for ejaculation is that it can offer the opportunity Of encouraging intimacy in foreplay with your partner. This feeds into the fact that in many relationships were delayed ejaculation is a factor, there is a low level of open and honest communication between the partners, and Probably even less discussion about sexual activity than other issues of mutual concern.

So exercises that involve the exploration of orgasm triggers can serve two functions: first, they can literally help the man to ejaculate by increasing his arousal, and secondly, they can establish greater intimacy between sexual partners because they involve a shared activity which is both emotionally and physically intimate, and which leads to a more relaxed and open attitude towards sexual interaction between them.

Now, I know that not all men with delayed ejaculation will be interested in exploring prostate stimulation, but for those who have an open mind, I highly recommend it as route to exploring ways in which it may be possible to reach orgasm and ejaculate more easily. Those men who have tried it, always report to me that they have found it to be both a pleasurable experience, and an easier and quicker route to achieve ejaculation.

cropped-PA317318cropped.jpgI think, faced with the prospect of several months of in-depth psychotherapy or a quick fix using a physical trigger such as this, most men will be clear that the more desirable option is to get active in intimate exploration of their bodies with their partners, and in doing so save themselves a great deal of time and potentially a great deal of anxiety about their non-ejaculation.

Men who are finding it difficult to ejaculate during intercourse, whether that is a husband who can’t ejaculate during intercourse, or a boyfriend who can’t ejaculate during sex, it can be a very rewarding and intimate experience to engage one’s partner in a search for “trigger points”.

Delayed ejaculation happens for many reasons

It’s important to understand that one of the reasons delayed ejaculation is regarded as difficult to treat by many so-called “experts” is that it comes in many forms and for many reasons.

Classically it’s regarded as a product of emotional conflicts such as fear, anger, hostility, or detachment, in particular detachment from a sexual partner or from one’s own inner world of sexuality. However, it’s equally possible for delayed ejaculation to be the product of idiosyncratic masturbation techniques, such as thrusting hard and fast against the mattress in a prone position.

Since there are so many causes of delayed ejaculation, it can take time and effort to tease out, in any individual case, what’s actually lying behind it, which probably accounts for the supposed difficulty in treating  it.

However, there are many different techniques available for the treatment of delayed ejaculation, and provided that they are work through in a systematic manner, I don’t actually think it’s a difficult problem to solve. The difficulty arises more from the fact that many men who are in a relationship that is, shall we say “challenged”, are more likely to be resistant to exploring their relationship and treating their delayed ejaculation.

In other words, curing the delayed ejaculation becomes more challenging because a man isn’t willing to look at the relationship issues which actually maybe underlying it. If it’s a simple case of idiosyncratic masturbation, it’s obviously a lot easier to deal with difficulties in ejaculation by applying suitable re-sensitization techniques and showing the man how to masturbate in a different way, and teaching his body to become more sensitive to sexual stimulation.

So the message here really is the treatment needs to be carefully adapted to every individual case, and there is no universal panacea which will solve the problem. Having said that, is certainly a truism than delayed ejaculation treatment that with the clear intention on the part of man and his partner to solve the problem, and the willingness to examine the issues that might be lying behind it, the problem can be solved in almost every case. I firmly believe that the natural instinct of men to engage in sexual intercourse, with the end result being natural ejaculation, is the fuel that fires any recovery from inhibition of ejaculation.

One of the best ways to deal with delayed ejaculation is get the help of a sex therapist or counselor who is experienced in this field, But the truth of the matter is that many men are embarrassed about the fact they can’t ejaculate during intercourse. That’s hardly surprising, since we regard this is the natural way of making love, and any variation can be seen as quite peculiar. So the next best option is to use a home treatment program, such as the one that is available on this website.

To close this short piece I’d just like to remind you of some of the options that are available for dealing with delayed ejaculation: these include changing your lovemaking techniques and sexual techniques to produce orgasim to those most likely to make you ejaculate, learning how to make a woman come so that you both get pleasure from intercourse or sexual interaction, adding orgasm triggers such as prostate and nipple stimulation, and spending time on sensate focus to build intimacy.


Delayed Ejaculation

An important distinction that has to be emphasized is that orgasm or the feeling of achieving a release during sexual intercourse is a cerebral occurrence – it’s actually something that happens exclusively in the mind, notwithstanding the overwhelming bodily sensations that are associated with it. When men and their partners try to discuss the idea of delayed ejaculation, they inevitably tend to wrongly equate these two different occurrences with each other. Contrary to popular perceptions, orgasm and ejaculation are two entirely separate events!

Ejaculation, however, is a reflex response which is triggered by sufficient stimulation to the male organ and sexually sensitive nerve endings elsewhere in the body. Science has not yet identified the exact location sexual orgasm happens within the brain, but much is known about the neural pathways by which the physical reaction of ejaculation is triggered.

For those who are interested, one suggestion is that when sexual arousal reaches a certain threshold, the emission of semen into the farthest point of the the urethra builds up the pressure at the root of the penis, and this in turn triggers a whole set of automatic reactions which includes flexing of the pubococcygeal muscle.

The autonomic nervous system is in control as far as ejaculation is concerned, while sexual arousal is controlled by the voluntary nervous system.

As it is, medical professional have long been acquainted with delayed ejaculation and evolution of the name given to this peculiar function probably mirrors in some part, the research establishment’s evolving attitude to the condition: ejaculatory incompetence, ejaculatory over-control, retarded ejaculation, and finally delayed ejaculation.

The evolving nomenclature is illustrative of, from my point of view, a slowly increasing level of respect for the men who are having sexual problems with their partners owing to their unique ejaculation patterns during sexual intercourse.

What is particularly perturbing to researchers is that most of these men are able to ejaculate normally when they are masturbating. This fact has given rise to the belief that there might be many relationship issues associated with failure to achieve orgasm and ejaculate during sexual intercourse. Naturally, one must be a little bit cautious about trying to find an explanation in the dynamics between a couple.

It’s highly likely that a man’s apparent inability to ejaculate even when a partner performs fellatio on him, during actual intercourse, or through direct manual stimulation by a partner could only mean that none of these activities provide a heightened level of stimulation that a man may have learned to perform on his own organ while pleasuring himself.

We know that the body can be conditioned to get used to some unique levels of stimulation, so it’s always wise to initially find out whether or not the delay in ejaculating can be attributed to the fact that the man is able to apply hard, rough, or high-frequency pressure during self pleasuring, in a way that is not simulated in the course of sexual activity with a partner.

If the problem is, in fact, caused by a simple mismatch in techniques, the cure will be in the form of a physical retraining of the body, the penis and the brain, to respond to much more gentle stimulation of the kind that can bring about a climax during sexual intercourse.

Needless to say, counsellors and sex therapists often base their actions on the supposition that that the relationship is the primary cause of delayed ejaculation.

Quite frankly, there’s sufficient ground for this school of thought. I have been acquainted with numerous couples where a slowly increasing attitude of hostility has degraded intimacy to such a degree that the man no longer finds gratification in sex, but in fact resents it, while simultaneously finding himself powerless to reach out to his partner in a way that could possibly open a way to a mutually agreeable solution to these problems.

Moreover, even without hostility, anger, or any other emotion on the part of the male towards the woman, there may well be a specific type of personality who is predisposed to delayed ejaculation.

When one reads the scientific literature, this personality type appears to be a person who is in some way disconnected to his personal preferences to induce sexual arousal, who is often unable to realize just how aroused he is when indulging in any sexual intercourse, who regards sexual activity as a duty for which he is responsible, who sees himself as responsible for his female partner’s pleasure, and who believes that her pleasure must come before his own and is the priority during sex. These persons often, whether consciously or not, see themselves as the “mighty purveyor of sex”, grinding on (sometimes to no avail) to steer sex to a successful conclusion.

It is likewise observable that most of the partners of men in this situation are almost always unmotivated in the matter of sex, and have an expectation that the male is implicitly responsible for their sexual pleasure. The truth is, they should be without a doubt responsible for their personal pleasure. In such cases, it’s absolutely essential to be able to re-educate a couple and make available some actionable sexual information. This way, the couple’s ideas and beliefs around sex and erotic gratification are brought closer to reality.

Finally, it has been observed that men who have this type of subservient sexual profile tend to have a lack of solid grasp of their personal level of arousal. Often there seems to be a certain disconnect, or a blank space, in the sexual experience, so that they have come to associate their internal process of sexual pleasure with the external dynamics of engaging in activity with a spouse or partner.

What I mean by this is that their own erotic world normally doesn’t serve as a source of sexual stimulus and pleasure: they are left in a frustrating state of sexual confusion in which they propose to engage in sex devoid of all the emotional and physical tools that are necessary for it to be an enjoyable and intimate exercise.

Causes Of Delayed Ejaculation

A rather crucial point that requires much emphasis is that sexual orgasm or the feeling of reaching a climax during masturbation or sexual intercourse is a mental event or episode – it all happens mentally, exclusively in the mind, and this is true even though the perceived physical pleasure lies in the body. When men and their sexual partners try to focus on the topic of anorgamsia or retarded or delayed ejaculation, the tendency is usually to think of these two different occurrences as being the same. Contrary to popular opinions and widespread notions, orgasm and ejaculation are two entirely different and distinct events!

Ejaculation, however, is a bodily reflex response that is induced by persistent and repeated pleasurable physical pressure and stimulation to the penis and various other pleasure points such as the perineum, nipples and the base of the scrotum. Scientific researchers have not yet identified where sexual orgasm is located as a neural event within the brain, but there have been breakthroughs concerning synaptic pathways by which the physical function of ejaculation is mediated.

There are competing and even contradictory viewpoints but one conclusion is that when sensual or sexual arousal reaches a certain level of intensity, the flow of semen into the farthest point of the male urethra concentrates and increases the fluid pressure at the root of the penis, and this in turn sets in motion a number of reflex reactions which includes movement of the pubococcygeal muscle in a series of rhythmic pulsations – ejaculation is evidently controlled by the involuntary nervous system, while sexual arousal is controlled by the sympathetic nervous system.

As it is, medical researchers see delayed ejaculation as a real problem, and the evolution of the terminology represents the scientific community’s increasingly enlightened attitude to this syndrome ejaculatory incompetence, inhibited ejaculation, ejaculatory over-control, retarded ejaculation, and finally delayed ejaculation.

This nomenclature is illustrative of a slowly increasing level of respect for the men who are having problems in relationship or sexual dysfunction issues with their partners during sexual intercourse.

What is puzzling to researchers is that many sufferers are able to ejaculate during their own masturbation. This has given rise to the belief that relationship issues are associated with failure to achieve orgasm and ejaculate during partnered sex. However, a healthy dose of skepticism in looking at such ideas is needed.

Videos on delayed and premature ejaculation




How to control premature ejaculation

Yeast Infection No More

There’s strong reason to suggest that a man’s failure to ejaculate even getting fellatio, during or when penetrating a partner, or through stimulation by a partner’s hand merely represents the fact that there’s the higher degree of stimulation during self-pleasuring is much more intense. A man may have learned to apply powerful self-stimulation to his penis while self-pleasuring.

It’s obvious that the human body can be trained to get used to some extraordinary levels of sexual stimulation, so it’s always wise to find out whether or not the problems with delayed ejaculation originate in the fact that the man on his own, using masturbation, can apply hard, firm, or high-frequency stroking, in a way that is not replicable during intercourse with another person.

There’s ample basis to assume that if this really is the cause of delayed ejaculation, the remedy clearly lies in reconditioning the body, the penis and the brain, so that they can respond to softer pleasuring of the kind that stimulates orgasm in intercourse.

In many instances, sexual therapists, counsellors and psychotherapists often adopt the attitude, the philosophical position, even, that the dynamics between the partners is to be seen as the primary cause of the condition.

To be fair, there is pretty good evidence and a basis for this rational line of thinking. In my years of therapy, and working as a therapist, I’ve come across a lot of sexually active couples who have become increasingly aggressive and hostile to each other and have neglected to maintain any degree of intimacy to the point where a the man in the relationship no longer enjoys intercourse, and secretly or not so secretly disdains the routine, while always simultaneously finding himself completely powerless to convey to his partner any meaningful dialogue and start a rational discussion to find a mutually acceptable answer or solution to these pernicious difficulties.

And even if there isn’t resentment, antagonism, or any other emotion on the part of the man towards the woman, there is, as some studies show, a specific type of individual which is prone to delayed ejaculation.

As often cited in scientific literature, this personality profile is quite likely a person who is somehow disconnected to his personal preferences to induce sexual arousal, who is often unaware of how aroused he is while doing sexual activities and intercourse, who looks at sex as a sort-of duty for which he is completely responsible, who sees his sexual partner’s pleasure and gratification during sexual intercourse as his own, exclusively male, responsibility, and who is totally convinced that the woman’s pleasure must rightly come first and is the the most important result of sexual interaction. These personalities – mostly male – generally, whether expressed or not, see themselves as the “mighty powerful provider of sex”, thrusting rhythmically (often against all the odds) to steer sex to a successful conclusion.

An interesting factor in this arrangement is that the majority of the partners of men in this situation are often somewhat passive when it comes to sex, and have a tacit understanding that it’s the male who is obligated to bring them sexual pleasure. In fact, they are without a doubt responsible for their personal pleasure. In such cases, it’s clearly imperative to help and provide instructions to the sex partners and make available some useful sexual information. Coached in such a way, the couple’s expectations and attitudes about sex and sexual gratification can be steered closer to reality.

Finally, it has been observed that men who have this kind of personality profile generally lack awareness of their own level of arousal. In a very real sense, there appears to be a certain gap, or a blank space, in the sexual experience, so that they have rendered dependent their internal process of sexual pleasure with the external dynamics of having sexual intercourse with a spouse or partner.

What can be deduced from all these is that their internal sexual model doesn’t serve as a divider of sexual stimulus and gratification: they are left in a frustrating state of arousal, of sexual confusion, and this means they are attempting to have sexual contact with another person without any of the essential tools that are necessary for the sex act to be a pleasurable and mutually satisfying experience.

And What Causes DE?

So what about the causes of delayed ejaculation? What, you may ask, do we know about that?

It’s a very good question, and it’s occupied a lot of clever people for many years. Even so, strangely enough, the answers are not entirely clear, but we do have some ideas. And since I’ve never been afraid to bring ideas where knowledge is lacking, let’s see what they are!

Natural Human Variability

To start with, the speed with which men reach orgasm during any kind of sexual activity varies from man to man. Some men are very quick to come, and some are very slow, and some can’t ejaculate at all. So this dysfunction could be seen as part of the natural variability in the whole population. No doubt to some extent that’s actually true. After all, we know that some men never experience premature ejaculation: even from the first time they make love they appear to have excellent ejaculatory control. Others struggle with rapid ejaculation for life, and appear to be completely unable to delay it. But the idea of a natural variation in the population certainly isn’t the whole story.

But Surely Delayed Ejaculation Is Natural?

One of the questions that comes up from me is why we think it’s such an unnatural condition. I guess in a way the answer is obvious: sex is meant to end with the man ejaculating, because that’s the way Mother Nature planned it. The idea is to get the woman pregnant. But humans aren’t as simple as most mammals. We have a highly developed brain, and within that brain, a mind that we use to process all kinds of thoughts, feelings and behaviors.

And one of the things we tend to do as a species is to put people who are different from ourselves in some way in a different category. So, many years ago, women who couldn’t reach orgasm during sex were called “frigid”. And that’s a very disparaging term. I wonder if the sense I have of “retarded” ejaculation as a disparaging term has anything to do with this sense of “difference”?

There’s certainly no question that men who can’t ejaculate are seen in some way as having a “problem”, whereas women who can’t come during intercourse are seen as normal, even if they were once called frigid. Nowadays there is certainly a widespread acceptance of female anorgasmia during intercourse. (As it happens, quite rightly, because only about 15% of women reach orgasm during sexual intercourse.)

So what’s all this mean? Well, it’s a good question, but I think the root of this whole thing is our inherent sense that delayed ejaculation somehow goes against the natural order of things. But among men who have it, there’s no question of them wanting to be like this. I’m sure every man with delayed ejaculation would appreciate being able to ejaculate easily.

Yet, having said that, and bearing in mind your highly complex mind, I’m wondering right now if you can see how your attitudes to sex affect the way you respond to a sexual partner? For example, is it possible that some men – you, perhaps – actually prefer to have sex with themselves to sex with a partner? And when they have sex with a partner, maybe they simply don’t get very aroused, and therefore they can’t ejaculate. It’s an interesting idea, but if it’s true, then why do men in this situation have a hard and long lasting erection? Isn’t that a sign of arousal?

One of the key people working in the field of ejaculatory problems is Bernard Apfelbaum, who came up with the idea that men with delayed ejaculation might simply prefer sex with themselves to sex with a partner: in other words, that their orientation was “autosexual”.

Bearing in mind the wide range of human preferences, that seems to me to be entirely plausible. And then the question would be – well, OK, but why does a man who’d simply prefer to be sexual with himself seem to be so aroused with a sexual partner? We’ll look at this in more detail on the section on psychological causes of this sexual dysfunction.

Another therapist called Helen Kaplan suggested that the reason men couldn’t ejaculate was because there was some kind of emotional block stopping them doing so. We know that emotions can interfere with sexual arousal, so this is quite a plausible explanation as well.

But is it true, and if it is, what sort of emotions are we talking about? Well, the most obvious suggestions here are things like anxiety, anger, emotional conflict about women, perhaps a lack of trust at a very deep level in women, and such like. These are all things that could give rise to a man’s inability to “open up” emotionally in the way that’s necessary for the completion of sexual activity (orgasm and ejaculation, in case you were wondering!).

That might sound bit strange to you, but then again, if you’re a man who’s been wounded by women, either in childhood, or in adulthood, you probably do have a sense of whether or not your level of trust is high enough to be able to enjoy sex fully with them.

You see, the thing is that we all carry a huge amount of unconscious information, beliefs, and emotions that have a massive impact on everyday life. The irony is that much of this isn’t conscious — in other words we’re simply not aware of it. So if you’re a man who has trust issues with women, you may not be aware of the impact that they have on your sexual relationship.

Equally, if you’re a man who was abused by women in childhood, you may have a massive fear of being “taken over” or absorbed or repressed (or almost anything really) by women or the feminine, and if you do that’s going to have a very negative impact on your ability to engage in an intimate relationship with a woman. Yes?

And it can be even simpler than that: suppose, for example, that you’re a man to whom control is incredibly important. To feel safe, you have to be in control. Well, ejaculation and orgasm are the times in our lives where we’re just about as vulnerable as we get. You have to let go of control to be able to reach orgasm and ejaculate.

So if you’re frightened of losing control, or for that matter if you’re frightened of your partner seeing you at your most vulnerable, it’s quite likely that you will have some kind of difficulty with ejaculation. And again, we’ll look at these in more detail on the page dealing with the psychological and emotional causes of delayed ejaculation.

But Before We Go On – What About The Physical Causes Of DE?

You might recall I mentioned above the possibility that male orgasmic disorder is simply a reflection of the natural variability of ejaculation speed in the human population.

If so, the question arises about what can a man in this situation can do to make things a little bit, shall we say, faster? One obvious answer would be find some way of getting more aroused before or during sex. And we will look at that later on, too, when we talk about possible approaches to treatment. But there are some other physical causes which go beyond any kind of natural variation in the population.

For example, low testosterone has an impact on men and their sexual responsivity, and in particular on their ejaculation speed. So if you have a low sex drive and delayed ejaculation, you might want to see a doctor who knows something about male hormonal issues….  just to get checked out and make sure that if you need testosterone supplementation, you get it. That applies particularly to men over 50 who very often experience low levels of testosterone.

Another common cause of ejaculatory dysfunction is prescription drugs. You may find that drugs as simple as painkillers like tramadol delay your ejaculation. We certainly know anything that acts as a sedative, inhibits sympathetic arousal in the sympathetic nervous system, or raises serotonin levels in the brain, can definitely impact ejaculation speed (impact it adversely, that is – at least if you take too long to come already!)

The drugs which tend to do that include antidepressants and other mood altering drugs, such as drugs designed to relieve anxiety, as well as other drugs like antihypertensives, alpha blockers and beta-blockers.

Equally potent inhibitors of ejaculation are diseases of the nervous system such as Parkinson’s disease, multiple sclerosis (MS), and so forth. The fact that such conditions can affect ejaculation means that men with ejaculatory difficulties who to go to a doctor for help will often receive a complete medical checkup….just to make sure there’s nothing physically wrong with their health.

What else? Well, surgery can cause delayed ejaculation. Any surgical procedure that damages the lumbar sympathetic ganglia or any nerves associated with the ejaculatory reflex, or any surgery on the prostate gland and pelvic area, all have the possibility to impact ejaculation. In the case of prostate surgery, TURP or transurethral resection of the prostate, causes retrograde ejaculation, although orgasm is normal.

Male sexual response has two parts to it: it has an erection reflex, and it has an ejaculatory reflex. Regrettably, for all you men out there with retarded ejaculation, the latter seems to be more sensitive to problems than the erection reflex.

Traumatic Masturbation

One of the most important causes of delayed ejaculation is traumatic masturbatory syndrome, which means that a man has learned to masturbate in a way that has conditioned his body to respond only to very hard stimulation of the penis – sexual stimulation of perhaps the most extreme kind. Often this involves thrusting against the mattress, or masturbating with an extremely tight grip on the penis during self-stimulation. Once again, we will look at these in the section on the physical causes of delayed ejaculation.